Just to announce that I’m off to Borneo this evening!
“Borneo? Why, of all places, Borneo?” is a common reaction I’ve gotten. Specifically, people express incredulity that I’m actually going to Kuching, of all places.
I don’t know what Kuching did to inspire such disbelief in people, but my honest answer is – I don’t know why I’m going to Kuching. I don’t know what there is there (other than Orang Utans), and I don’t know what I will do there, but I do know that a) I haven’t been there before, and b) there’s no real reason not to go.
To be frank though, I kinda hope Kuching doesn’t have much going on. I need some time and space to think. As much as I enjoy being back in Singapore and seeing all my family and friends, it does feel very overwhelming after a while. Which is why I left in the first place, I suppose.
Life in Singapore is too busy. When I’m here, I’m worrying about my mum, and helping around the house. Or spending time with my two nieces who are growing up way too fast. Or catching up with old friends. Or running errands and doing shitty admin stuff like dealing with my bank. Or fretting that I’m not making enough money and that I’m wasting my time enjoying it.
The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time. – Bertrand Russell
But here, I feel like I can’t enjoy my time at all, fearing that I’m wasting it all because I’m not spending it in frantic pursuit of…something, anything.
When I’m travelling, and I tell people I meet that I work for about 3hours a day, and then get to spend the rest of my time travelling / sightseeing / wandering around aimlessly / doing nothing / enjoying like, they almost inevitably enthuse about how incredible it is that I only have to work so little to support my lifestyle. But here? If I told anybody that, they’d probably be confused, and worried about my mental health. “But why don’t you work more? Then you can earn more and buy a car / buy a house / retire earlier.”
What’s the point of that? Why can’t I earn enough and be happy, enjoying myself now? Why put off my current enjoyment for some promised day far in the future, with no guarantee that I’ll be around and in good enough health to enjoy it? Is that selfish of me? Does that make me immature?
I don’t think so. I believe the life I have chosen for myself works for me. It may not work for anyone else, but it’s my life and I should be free to live it as I please. But here, I feel constantly judged, and it is easy to start falling prey to the “wisdom” that is preached here.
Which brings me back to Kuching, Borneo. If nothing else, it’ll be a chance for me to get back to feeling like myself. The person who knows what she wants, and is doing what she needs to to live her best life. It was nice to be back, but now, (as always), I’m ready to get back on the road and see what other adventures the world has to offer!
Catch you guys on the flip side. xx